Hear my Cry, I am your servant

Hear my cry for I am your servant
I am your vessel to bear your name
for your name and for your works
for the sake of the elect
and for those you love
and whom you have called
even before the foundation of the earth

We are made for heaven
but the earth is not heaven
I am out of joint
And so are each and everyone of us
whom you have called
We are all out of joint
And I am in pain for us
even as surely you are too

This life bears down on us
with its anxieties and its pains
the meaninglessness of merely living
But we call to a life of faith
to live not by sight but in your name
that we may have live life more abundant

You will minister to us O Lord
And we know you know us and our pains
for you too have walked the earth in the flesh
And you shall touch us as only you can
I yearn to comfort those whom you have given me
But they are far away either in body or mind or spirit
But you O God are God, our Father
And you shall minister to us, whom you love,
in a way most wise, most succint, most intimate, and most true
that we may know you yet a little more
and faith shall triumph despite what life seems to be

God cried for me

My spirit is all knotted up
My inmost being seeks utterance
But its all disjointed, confused and pain
I cried to God in unutterable silence
Hear my cry, I am your servant

And then God reached into my soul
with the cries of an oboe on the radio*
And I heard God cry, in me and for me
My soul is eased and affirmed in faith
And I cried, from the depths of my soul, in comfort

*Nessun Dorma

The Truth Will Set You Free

Conversation, continued ...

Let me see if I follow. You are trying to insinuate that there are no earthly reasons to be positive about love?

Or at least reasons that are merely of the physical realm and that are merely of sight.

Your argument is flawed on several counts. First whatever love is to you may not be what it is to me. For me love is that which moves, excites and satisfies me physically and sensually and with feelings. And sure we change, and we grow older, and our sexual needs change too, but it was love while it lasted. And when it comes to a natural end, you just move on, and seek another one. And the reasons I am positive about my kind of love is like what you said about the sun rising. That I found someone yesterday is my reason and my assurance I can find another again tomorrow.

I have absolutely no problem if you want to redefine love. And if whatever you just said is all that you are seeking then we can stop here. And then also whatever my reasons for believing in Matthew will be are entirely irrelevant and unhelpful to you.

Wait I have not finished.

What else is there?

I know I need sex. There may yet be more to it. Maybe then I do not know what is love, but then it does not matter too.

How so?

You used broken marriages and extra-marital affairs and adulteries as reasons to have no faith in human efforts at love. I can choose to see it as a half filled glass and not a half empty one. I can also quote you marriages that worked and where the two parties indeed love each other through thick and thin, sickness or health, under both are dead.

Yes but that's what you see.

And further these couple don't need to believe in God either. It is like gravity again. Anyone in the world sees and feels its effects and accommodates to it, even babies. They don't need to know about gravity to respond and behave appropriately.

Precisely. And that is why we can have this conversation. I have said this many times. What's true is not a matter of your belief, but rather what is true is true, regardless of your beliefs. So if there is a choice about what to believe is this: either conform to truth or reject it, and damage, if not, condemn, yourself. So unless you deliberately reject reality, we do indeed know a lot of things, including love.

But that proves my point doesn't it?

Namely that you can seek what you don't know?

Yes.

Sure you can feel and respond to the effects of gravity, but if you do not know physics and Newton's law, you cannot build aeroplanes and rockets and overcome its effects, and to become free from gravity. In other words if you do not know what a thing is you cannot do something about it.

Sure I can.

Yes you can, just as you can do anything about anything, but surely you cannot expect what you do to be effective, can you?

Can you be hopeful or positive about someone's effort to go to the moon when he is not a rocket scientist? I certainly would not be positive at all about what he does. (Not unless he learns from his failures.) You can continue to be, but speaking truthfully, what you are doing is self-delusion and not being positive.

You can do anything you want about flying to the moon, like throwing stones at it, creating and chanting magic words, or invoking spirits and so on. But unless you understood concepts like escape velocity and rocket engines, whatever you do is likely to be hilarious if not absurd and an utter waste of time.

So what then are the "Newton Laws" for love?

Love is God's gift. In Matthew, I didnt look for it. I can and was living life without it. But God put him into my life, and turned it upside down. I know there is love, but I am neither positive or negative about it for myself. I am contented with myself - which is not to say I don't get horny, and that's a totally different matter. Love on the other hand is not a trivial nor a casual matter. It is life changing.

It is so hard to submit myself to reality and truth. I do not want to curtail myself from hoping and dreaming.

But you submit to the impersonal and blind laws of the land with no qualms and no angst, why is it so difficult to acknowledge God, who says he loves you?

If there is a thing to be positive about, it is this: that you can continue to dream, but if you really want to fly to the moon, it also can be done, but first you must get up and learn about gravity. That is truly being positive.

And that is also the meaning of the truth setting you free.

God is Love

A Conversation ...

You want to know why I am not deluded about Matthew?

Yes ...

Its very painful to talk about him.

I'm sorry.

And you already know why, don't you? Must I tell you again? I've already told you many times.

You mean about he being given to you by God and so on? But then that wont help me. I don't believe in God.

But everyone believes in love?

Perhaps, at one time or another, maybe.

And whether you are gay or straight such a love is no more or no less difficult or easy to find?

Errr ...

We are talking about love here, and not sex, nor the consummation of that love. Essentially we are talking about finding that one or other person with whom you then know what love is. So be it guy looking for guy, or gal looking for gal, or guy looking for gal, the odds and difficulties favour nobody. Do you think this is the situation?

Sex do play a part. There cannot be love if two person are not compatible sexually.

I would disagree to that, and there are quite deep implications to that. In any case it is immaterial to the point I'm making here. And this is, that it is not just anyone you can fall in love with. Maybe it is one person, maybe it is a few, but it is some specific person that have to be found. You can agree to that?

That's stating the obvious isn't it?

The non obvious thing is that the difficulties and the chances to find this other person is independent of whether you are gay or straight, top or bottom, etc etc. Can you agree to that you?

Hmmm. Ok let me just accept it for the moment. Go on.

But then how can we know there is such a person? What are the evidence to suggest to us that there is or are such waiting for us, and not already taken or taking? Is it reasonable to be positive about love in life?

Some may suggest that people get married everyday as the reason to be positive and optimistic. On the other hand many may be marrying for other than love. Just as in the case of gay LTR, people commit to each other for other than love too. And then also people may point out to many having affairs outside marriage and that there are also those who never get married.

Then also people change. You changed didn't you?

I think so.

You may love someone as he is today from whatever little you know of him and his history. You cannot know everything. Then tomorrow you learnt something about his history or that he got influenced by someone or something he heard, and he is now a different person to you. And the person you loved is no longer there, but gone away, and is as good as dead.

And if there is another thing we can know for sure, this is yet another one, namely that we cannot know everything about anyone.

From you own experience of yourself, can you also agree to this?

Hmmm, maybe.

If that is the case how can we ever be positive about love? Not unless we redefined love the way you have, namely a mutual, but of limited duration, satisfaction of needs between two or more people. But if you do so, we have prostituted love. It has become a trade. Love is traded for some benefits you need or want. And the other party does the same too.

OK. But all these arguments are not supporting why you should be positive at all about Matthew. In fact all the evidences point to you to abandon him. He is with someone now, ignores you and treats you worst than a dog, and a stranger has a better chance to say Hi to him than you. I don't see how you are not utterly deluded about him.

That is if you think what I have just said are the right sort of evidences. And not only I, but how can everyone else be positive about love at all?

Huh?

Birthdays

There is a reason we are born,
And it is more than just happy.
And this reason is love:
We are the reason for us.

And you have loved
when no pain is unbearable
when no sacrifice too great
You live when you love